Well, it’s started to set in. I’m getting more and more manic as I pace around the house, not being able to concentrate on anything for more than two minutes. I can’t even watch the fucking shows on MTV because people are kissing all the time and it reminds me of him. Ugh…I feel like a complete needy moron right now and it’s pissing me off which is only feeding the impending mania.
I smelled his shirt again earlier. It scares me to know I’ll never smell his soap again. But I’m not going to go down without a fight. I’ve decided that already. If we really love each other as much as we tell each other we do, we’ll do whatever we can to stay together. But maybe I’m just crazy and we were lying to each other. Who knows. All I know is that I’m not going down without a fight.
I’m feeling much more rational now and I’m not going to kill myself. I’m breathing and thinking clearly and while I know it will be hard, I’m stronger than my intial thoughts led me to believe and I can make it through this. This doesn’t mean I’m going to let our relationship die quietly, but I’ll be much more at peace if it has to.
